I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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