she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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