It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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