I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
