maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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