My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
