How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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