Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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