I heard we made out
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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