I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
