Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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