Whats the glycemic index on semen?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
