PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
