Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
