i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
