Soap is not a condiment
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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