idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
