Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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