Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
