theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
