Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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