If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He shit in the fireplace
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
