she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
