We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
