btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
