Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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