i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
