so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
