At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
