does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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