I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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