Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
