I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
