i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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