Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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