I wish I could punch you in the face.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
