ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
