She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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