why didn't you poke me back
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
