Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Holy shit dude........stairs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
