I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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