Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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