Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
