Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
