my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
where am i from again
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
