I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize