She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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