Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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