all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
40s are totally the cure
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
