If that was your dad, he is hot
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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