i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
