I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
as a side note pls kill me
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