Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
