I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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